Nothing Left to Give
by move them hands
Summary: Boss said he'd protect me, after he found out, but there is nothing he can do. I'm broken, I'm used, I'm so pathetic. Warnings: Abuse, Angst, COMPLETE, Death, Inc, Minor


Disclaimer: Naruto characters are not owned by me

It was like 4 am and I wrote this in a few hours cause of an ANGST-FEST XD.

Thanks Jess for helping me with this!

Warnings: MOLESTATION OF MINOR! If that makes you uncomfortable, then sorry turning around is still there for ya! and stuffs :D also the whole not beta'dness of it XD

Enjoy!

Also this IS an AU!

--/--/--/--

Boss said he'd protect me, after he found out, but there is nothing he can do. I'm broken, I'm used, I'm so pathetic. I feel my hair tug against my scalp in all direct directions as if it to is trying to get away from my disgusting body. The wind is especially strong today.

I'm sorry Aunty Kurenai, for being a whore.

_Thick finger's slid down my glistening peach colored skin, a small gasp sounds from my lips as my body writhes beneath. "Don't you look so beautiful laying there, just begging for me to fuck you." His voice is husky in my ears, my heart pounding like a million drums. My eyes dart from him to the door as tears brim to my eyes, I don't know how things moved so quickly to where we are now._

_"Please, Uncle Asuma...just let me go to my room. I'm sorry if I upset you." his arm reaches up slowly to pluck the slow burning cigarette from his lips. With his eyes burning up and down my exposed torso I look away once more in shame. I feel the smoke roll across me as he leans closer, a chuckle rumbling in his chest._

_"Don't you love me Koko?" he paused as his finger's caressed down my cheek, cigarette still stuck between his index and middle finger, "Don't you want me to show you how much I love you?" He leans forward and rubs his forehead against my own as his eyes piere deep inside my own, I cringe as a whimper releases from my lips, "Why are you trying to make your uncle sad?" He pulls back and his lips press to my neck, he moves down laying gentle butterfly kisses along my neck and chest. I feel my body shudder as tears brim over and a few cascade down my cheeks, quickly I squeeze my eyes shut and fist the blankets._

_"I just wanta go to my room." my voice is shaking now but my body seems like cement._

_"So my precious nephew doesn't love his Uncle Asuma...he doesn't want his Uncle to be happy." His nose rubs in the middle of my chest as he releases a soft sigh._

_"No! I want to make Uncle Asuma happy! Please don't be sad. I'll do whatever I can to make Uncle Asuma happy." My finger's curl in the short tuffs of his hair as I pull him into a hug._

I snort as a I think about the first day I truly learned the meaning of pain, what it was like to suffer, to be ripped apart by the need to survive and the need to do anything for my precious ones. I lean back and press my palms into the earth as I stare at the passing clouds, I inhale a long deep drag then daintly pull the cigarette from my lips. I tap the end and watch the ashes blow away in the wind then pull it back to my lips.

My screaming nerves start to calm as my eyes search the area around me. Its so empty here, nothing but dry land and giant gashes in the ground that people call canyons and valleys and the like. To me it looks more like wounds of someone who hates themself, someone who is trying to slice the dirty part of themself out.

Slowly my right hand moves across the surface of earth below it as I pet it in a soothing matter, "I know how you feel World...I know the pain and suffering you are trying to remove..." I sigh as my head rolls to the side while I lean forward and look down, down at the bottom of this certain gash. My soiled hand comes up.

My fingers slid down the fresh and healed-over marks decorating my skin.

_His smoke still lingers in the air as I lay on my bed, staring at the ceiling with a wonderous expression. When had the patterns on my ceiling become so interesting? I don't know but I couldn't take my eyes off of them the whole time he was here._

_Things are different now, so many years have past since that first night he took me to his room while Aunty was out for a few days on a business call...I was nine then. I'm thirteen now and tears don't still stain my pillows even once he is gone, my body doesn't shake as badly._

_I pull myself from the bed and begin my slow lumbering walk to my shower. I wash, cleansing myself as throughly as I possibly can then dress and head downstairs._

_Aunty Kurenai looks at me with a soft smile as she nods a welcome, my heart crushes in my chest. I always feel so guilty when I'm around her, but I can't tell her...I can't tell her what I'm doing to her husband. Its not her fault I'm a whore...that I've brought this all down on myself, she shouldn't have to suffer. Staring at the table I start fumbling my fingers around each other to distract myself. Just as I'm starting to fall into a comfortable trance I feel his heavy hand press down against my upper thigh, then his fingers gently squeeze before slidding slowly up._

_My body freezes, eyes firmly locked on the table...why does he have to do this with his wife right there? Is he punishing me? I don't know what to do, my finger's lightly fall down on top of his and push them away. My panicked eyes look up to his softly smirking ones, his finger's wrap around my thigh tighter as I push harder._

_Finally aunty turns to come serve us and his arm cooly goes back to his side. My heart is pounding in my chest, I pop away from the table and walk toward the door, "I have to go out for a bit, I'll be back later." My aunt starts to protest but Uncle Asuma mummers something softly and she gives up and goes back to the table._

_I break free from the door and run out into the large front yard. My legs pump beneath me, I know where I'm going but I can't see the path there as tears blind me. Why does everything have to be so confusing?!_

_Arriving at my childhood fort made by me and my previous best friends I bolt inside and press myself against the door as I sink to the ground. Sobs rock my body. I thought I had this all under control! I thought that it didn't bother me anymore. My head slams into the shoddy wooden door behind me as tears rain down my face and splatter over my shirt or cling to my neck and skim down my skin._

_"So stupid, so stupid. Why do I have to be so stupid?!" My face presses into my palms as my fingers' pull my hair, "I'm filthy, I'm filthly, I'm filthly." I feel my skin crawling, all the evils in me trying to burst free. My blood shot eyes search the fort til finally they come to rest on an old pair of scissors. I scamper across the floor on hands and knees, tears continuing to flood me._

_My fingers wrap around my new found salvation and I pull the blades apart, my hand grips the middle tightly as I press one blade to my arm and drag it across...not too deeply but deeply enough that blood starts to pour forth. I watch with satisfaction as the crimson colored liquid drips to the dirt floor, taking with it bits of my horrid sins._

_Leaning back I sigh in relief. Finally I've found a way to slowly relieve myself of some of this sickness. Maybe now Uncle Asuma wont need me as much, I'll drain all the bad from me._

I continue to finger the scars and fresh wounds as the cigarette rolls in my lips, I pull it out and flick it out. With a wavering smile I watch it tumble down toward the bottom, an almost 120 foot drop to the jagged rocks below. Shutting my eyes I see blond, nothing but blond until finally it pulls back and shocking blue eyes stun my vision.

"Naruto." I whisper harshly, his name is taken with the wind and ripped around. Its better that way anyhow, I don't deserve a friend like him...I don't deserve such kindness. Not someone like me.

_"HELLO!" a hand smacks down on my back and lingers there for a moment before I jump up from my seat and point at the loud blond kid talking to me. He looks about my age, maybe three or so years older. I glare at him as I cross my arms over my chest and hunch forward, trying to distance myself. His eyes glow a beautiful blue that somewhat unsettle me._

_"Hey, who do you think you are touching me like that?!" I step back as his smile doesn't lessen, what the hell does this guy want anyways?! Maybe he just wants something from me, I have nothing left...its all been ripped away...hasn't it?_

_I look him up and down with glaring eyes as he speaks, "I'm Naruto Uzumaki, senior! I just saw you sulking in the hallway and I thought I'd come and cheer you up! You're too cute to be all sad faced." My fingers pull tightly against my crossed arms as I pull back and my body stiffens. I look to the ground._

_"Girls are cute, not males." I grumble as I turn to leave._

_"Hey hey man, I didn't mean nothing by it I just wanted to make sure that-" his hand comes down on my shoulder as he is talking. My eyes bulge as I whip around and shove his hand away from me._

_"Don't you touch me." I hiss._

_His face softens, his eyes loosing a bit of their brillant shine. "I'm sorry." its almost a wheeze. He is staring at me as if he knows whats going through my mind...like he has been there. I snort as I walk away._

_"Just leave me alone."_

But he didn't, everyday after that he came around...he never left me alone. One day I just broke down crying and told him everything. I was sixteen at the time. Even then, even knowing the horrible secret of how much of a disgrace I am...he stayed. He always told me it wasn't my fault, he always told me my uncle is a monster and he should be stopped. I only agreed with him so he wouldn't be mad at me.

I love being around Naruto, he naturally emits positive energy and sunshine...you can't help but smile around him. For a while there I started following him around, he was my sunshine, my happiness the only thing good for me.

My boss, my way, my light and I would do anything to be like him and maybe some day better, though I always knew that would never happen it gave me hope...it gave me reason to go on.

Naruto had even threatened to kill Uncle Asuma if he ever touched me again. And it worked, it _really_ worked..for a few months. The few glorious months I spent with my Boss.

When it started up again, the night Uncle Asuma came into my room and put his hand over my mouth as his body smothered my own, his eyes burning with rage. He hissed into my ear, "You tell him and I'll be the one that kills him and anyone else close to you."

It wasn't Uncle Asuma's threat that kept my lips shut, no...he could threaten all he wanted but if I actually believed the things Naruto had told me I would have told my Boss in a heartbeat. But I know, always knew, that I wasn't worth Naruto's troubles and I've been so selffish in keeping him all to myself.

Trash, worthless filthy trash, that doesn't deserved to be loved by anyone.

I sigh as I lift myself from the ground, I don't bother to brush the dirt and debris from my outfit because there really is no point now. Staring down at my soon to be end I smile, for the first time in such a long time I smile...it feels like my heart will bust. I don't deserve Uncle Asuma's love, nor the painfilled look on my beautiful aunt's face if she ever learned of the truth.

I keep my eyes wide open as I walk off the edge. Air rips at my clothing and presses into my skin.

A laugh bubbles through my throat until I finally release it..I'm free.

Giving up doesn't always mean you're weak. Sometimes it just means that you're strong enough to let go.

--/--/--/--

Yup Konohamaru was GREAT for this part! Thanks, again, Jess XD

Bwakawakawakawakawak :evil pac-man sounding laugh that she strangly does in real life: That was so much fun to write. I forgot to post it here...its been on AFF for a while though XD. No one reviews angst so yeah, this is really just for my fun!

Thanks for reading.

Later!

P.S

1. I know Asuma isn't in character, I've never written him before and I think it would have been a little sadder if he was in character.

2. Don't point out that Asuma isn't in character because I already know and just pointed that out to you.

3. Seriously, don't. Thank you!

4. Konohamaru, I've been told both ways. He is in character and he isn't. I don't really care/know so whatever on that one XD

5. That is all. :Smiles: bye bye for real now!


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